I need a model of the future.

Ideally, and according to all I understand of the dharma, I shouldn't need one: I should thrive on fully engaging with the present moment when it happens, and enjoy the surprises. This is not where I'm at now, and it will take a while before I get there. At the moment, the lack of a model of the future means that I stay stuck in inertia.

I need a model of the future so that I can move towards something, rather than just moving away (which I've been doing) or just stalling on the spot and concentrating on just keeping the engine running (which I've been doing even more and I'm rather sick of).

I have realized that I do not in fact have a model of the future. This seems to be an important factor in my feeling of stuckness, inertia and provisionality (which could also be expressed as "not having grown up yet").

(Back to translating Übergeek-to-Italian now, last file due in by 10 am tomorrow; these are notes for when I have time to reflect.)