I may be a sad case, but on days like this when I see all the "happy" couples taking part in compulsory happy-coupleness, I do think this kind of thoughts. I do think, how many of those couples are happy? He always made sure I knew he'd kill me if I left. Thank gods I finally figured out he'd kill me if I didn't.

And because I have often caught myself not understanding this, So why don't abused spouses just leave?

But it doesn't always come with a rifle or shotgun.

And the way it works is why it can take a long time even to realise it. "I remember one evening we spent with some of my old school friends, where I thought my ex had a good night and had actually been very sweet. Only to later have my friends one by one pull me aside and ask why I let him talk to me that way."

And it is so easy not to notice or not to believe, or not to know what to do: a page with many links to explanations and suggestions. (There is support in Ireland, too, but their web page is not quite as helpful. And I'm afraid I wouldn't actually know where to point men, straight or gay, so I won't fake it by finding some random link on Google.)

And no, love doesn't conquer all. It's a poisonous myth. I have been in a codependent relationship. It's poison. (And it's also poison when the person who's suffering is your parent, which is probably as common if not more.)

(Yes, I know someone in an abusive relationship. It's not physical, but it's bad. He's getting out now -- in fact, he's making an important move tonight -- though he's been taking the long way out. And I start to worry for his little daughter. But I have known others, too. And it makes me sad and it makes me angry and it is something that is often on my mind, not only on Valentine's day. Because I see some of it every day, in the news or out in the street or sometimes on LJ.) (And I will say something about the abuser. She is not scum. She is the most deeply fucked up person I know, and I feel deeply sad for her -- truly. But she is hurting people -- and well, yes, she's hurting people I care for more than for her.)

I also take this occasion for apologising to all the people with Valentine boxes on my flist who didn't get a message from me (i.e. all). As you may have guessed by now, I have Issues with that. Sorry.

And to thank matociquala and wordweaverlynn, where I got most of the links from.